Ratchet's Revenge
by Knightryder007
Summary: Experience is the key. And Ratchet has tons of that. A collection of humorous oneshots centered around our favorite medic who has seen-and done-it all.
1. Nanotechnology Stinks!

**The first chapter of Ratchet's Revenge, a new series focusing on everybody's favorite Cybertronian medic. In this chapter, Miko gets her just desserts.**

**Ratchet's Revenge I:** Nanotechnology stinks!

"BULKHEEEAAAAAD!" screamed Miko, bounding out of the old school building. She didn't really mind the other students around her giving her a funny stare. A line of cars of all different shapes and sizes surrounded the front of the school, accompanied by parents of all different shapes and sizes whom were seeking their children, most of them sill draped in their work uniform. Yet the only thing the young Japanese exchange student was panning the area for was a large green all-terrain vehicle which was not amongst them. She had seen Jack take off with Arcee a few minutes back, and Raf had just left with Bumblebee. Looking around, once again, Miko then spotted a familiar bright red-orange ambulance. Ratchet. Hearing a voice from inside the van call her over, Miko obliged. Suddenly, a gruff man dressed in a sky blue scrub with a silver stethoscope hanging around his thick neck stepped out of the flawless van, looking every bit like a stereotypical doctor and also every bit like an anthropomorphic version of the good medic Miko knew so well. Miko bounded towards him cheerfully and walked to the awaiting ambulance with the man. "So, ACE, how was your day? And where's Buller?"

Ratchet cooly responded to Miko's odd query. "I helped Bulk...Buller fix his ser...hand and his leg after it was involved in another...incident. He'll be taking some time off."

"Ah." Miko nodded, understanding yet laughing in her head at Ratchet's terrible code language. Ratchet felt Miko shaking in laughter, and growled threateningly, instantly stopping her shaking. Ratchet flung open the driver's side door and stepped in, falling lightly into his soft fur-covered seat, sighing. Miko sat beside him in the passenger seat. Suddenly, Ratchet turned off his solid holoform, the human form flickering and fading a bit, returning to the intangible holoform mode. Miko, even though having seen it many times, was still surprised at how he did it. He had once mentioned the use of nanobots in the holoforms an then dropped the subject, but Miko, being Miko, was naturally super curious at this phenomenon, especially now as she was attending a nanotechnology class at school. Miko was struggling to wrap her head around the topic, and had intentions to ask the bots for a little help, or in her case, pester the bots so badly that they would just do the work for her, which meant she could have another work-free night, her favorite type of night. Poking a hand through Ratchet's intangible abdomen, Miko opened her mouth and began asking Ratchet something, hoping to she'd a little light on the subject so foreign and mysterious to her.

"Your holoform. Did you use nano..."

"Nanobots. Yes. As well as having Energon flowing through our veins, our species also has special nanobots in our body, which in Layman's terms is akin to the human equivalelent of stem cells, being able to turn themselves into any element, chemical mixture and physical shape. Most of my interior, being the fur seats, their cotton stuffing, the dash, my holoform, and the glass which makes up the windows and windshield of my vehicle form is made from these special 'cells' of my body. When I am in my bipedal, or 'true' form, the nanobots which once made up the van interior and windshield inside my body reconfigure an change into repair nanites and strengthen my armour, readying me for battle. For my ambulance form I scan and collect available data to create the interior." Ratchet recited, as Miko ran her hand through the soft fur of the seat, wondering what information Ratchet must have gone through to recreate something so organic. All of a sudden, a brilliant idea hit Miko like a bolt. Opening her mouth to ask something else, Miko quickly spat out some words, all while Ratchet mentally gave a sigh, wondering why he couldn't have just told Bee to pick up Miko as well. He had had a rough day, and the chatty mouth of Miko was the last thing he wanted.

"So can you even reconfigure your nanobots into something like...a nice Fizzy Appleberry drink?" asked Miko, who was beginning to get thirsty and was hoping for a free handout from Ratchet as part of her 'brilliant idea'.

"Miko, I am not wasting my nanobots so you can poison yourself with excess amounts of sugar, bicarbonate, toxic trace metals, artificial colours and preservatives with that so-called 'drink'!" Miko pouted. "But to answer your question, yes, I can do that with my nanobots. And I am not going to indulge you with the pleasure of witnessing me do such an action!" yelled Ratchet, getting increasingly annoyed at the young teen's relentless and insatiable curiosity, and her 'convenience-store mouth' as Jack had affectionately called it; it was open 24/7. Miko, getting extraordinarily excited and oblivious of Ratchet's state, assailed Ratchet with another quickly-spoken question.

"So you can make ANY liquid, solid or gas with the nanobots? That is so cool! I wish I had that power. I could make myself a nice Fizzy Appleberry! Or even better, a shiny new RuffRiffs guitar! Custom painted! Ratchet, imagine the possibilities! But seriously, I could go for a nice Appleberry right now..."

Ratchet was near breaking point. The very voice of Miko could drive his sanity to oblivion, something which even the great warlord Megatron could not achieve.

"If you must know, Miko, my nanobots are not unlimited! I can only create a given amount at any given time!" yelled Ratchet, trying to hopefully shut Miko up. However, this was Miko he was dealing with here. It would take a lot more to shut her up. Much more. It must really stink being Bulkhead, thought Ratchet, having to...suddenly, a lightning bolt of an idea hit him. It was evil and throughly messy, but it'd do the trick of keeping Miko quiet. Hopefully. If it could shut Starscream up, then it could shut Miko up. Again, hopefully. After a quiet minute, Ratchet spoke up.

"Miko."

"Yes, Ratchet?"

"If I show you a demonstration of my nanobot's abilities, will you promise to keep quiet during the rest of the trip?"

Miko perked up instantly. "Yes! Oh, thank you, Ratchet! You are the best! So, a can of Appleberry, please?!"

Ratchet's hologram smiled. "That is for me to decide." This was part of his plan. In the next moment, a slender tube reached out to Miko from the dash. In her excitement, Miko jumped as the tube neared her face, the odd appendage suddenly sprouting sharp claws.

"What is that?!"

"Medical needle. An appendage only fitted to medics such as me. In tough times, I can use this to transfer Energon and repair nanites from myself to another bot if they are in trouble. I will also give you a demonstration of my nanobot's capabilities using this."

"Cool!" said Miko, now completely comfortable with the devious appendage. "So what are you going to use? Appleberry? Water? Cola? Come on, Ratchet. Show me al...Aaaaahhh!" Miko's rant was cut short as a spray of liquid hit her in the face, dampening her hair and her clothes. A moment later, the liquid assault stopped, leaving Miko dripping with the mystery liquid. "What the hell was that, Ratch...What's that smell?" Miko then paused as she smelled something pungent and choking. Miko started coughing at the horrendous odor which was quickly filling the cabin of Ratchet. Miko clawed at the window, begging Ratchet to open it.

"Open the window, *cough* Ratchet! By the way, what *hack* did you spray me with?!"

"Butyl mercaptain. Otherwise known as...skunk juice." stated Ratchet.

"RATCHET!" screamed Miko. "This is not funny. *cough* I am NEVER going to talk to you...you...again..." Miko fell down, unconscious from holding her breath too long. Ratchet finally decided to open the windows, airing out the cabin, which was now being doused with a fragrant disinfectant from the needle. However, Miko and her clothes would require a better wash. Ratchet laughed to himself, reflecting on his slight victory over the young girl, now slumped against the passenger side door of him.

"How foolish was I beforehand, saying I shouldn't have chauffeured Miko. Maybe I should chauffeur her more..."

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	2. Wrenched Into The Jaws Of Death

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**Ratchet's Revenge II:** Wrenched Into The Jaws Of Death

"You would think a mass slaughter had gone on in there! There's...Energon...everywhere! Armour strewn everywhere! It was all torn up as if ripped by a hive of angry Scraplets! Seriously, I'm not joking! Please, listen, Prime! I mean, it's me, Arcee! And...that...THING! It took Bee!"

What was supposed to be an idyllic afternoon free from the burden of Decepticon activity for Optimus Prime and his valiant Autobot team had just turned sour and rotted, disappearing into oblivion and certain chaos, judging by Arcee's incredibly odd behavior. Prime's brilliant cerulean optics stared down at the broken femme, her winglet missing and armour chewed up, who was clutching onto and wrapping herself around his sturdy right leg fearfully. Never had he seen Arcee, one of the coldest and toughest warriors he had known in his millennia-long life look so rattled. The battle-worn Autobot had seen many horrors, some which had left long scars forever etched into her very spark, like many others he knew, yet every time in those instances, she would have stood her ground, putting on the brave face everyone knew her for. Optimus tried to shake her off his leg, but failed. He suddenly hissed in pain as Arcee dug her digits into his leg. Optimus was just pleased at the moment that this was not Starscream clutching fearfully to his leg. A loud, feminine scream echoed though the base, followed by a few loud clangs, further rattling the shaken blue femme locked on Prime's leg. Suddenly, Bulkhead, who was also missing pieces of his armour, limped in, holding his mangled servo, which appeared to have been chewed apart by something with razor teeth. Bulkhead had coolant dripping out of his large, petrified optics and was obviously in agony over his poor servo. And his right leg. The leg had almost been completely savaged, and was hanging off by a thread, causing even more pain to Bulkhead.

"Optimus! The Medbay...there's a monster in it! And I can't find Ratchet!" Pausing to think, Bulkhead yelled out his fearful conclusion of Ratchet's fate. "I bet he has been eaten!" Bulkhead released another girly yowl, and fell, curling up into himself, his heavy form leaving a deep impression in the ground of the base. A monster? How did something like that even get into the base?! As Prime felt something warm and slightly viscose dribble down the length of his right leg, he looked down at his petrified charge in shock and slight disgust, and stared at her intensely.

"Sorry, Prime." the little bot slunk down his now-stained leg in shame, and then looked around, hissing at Bulkhead who had woken up and had managed to crack a small smile while staring at her from the floor. She skulked away slowly to the opposite direction of the Medbay. Prime walked off to said room to investigate. A loud animalistic roar was heard coming from the Medbay. Whatever was spooking his team needed to be dealt with. Now! Before his other leg got...Prime grimaced.

* * *

Walking into the usually pristine and neatly-kept Medbay, Prime recoiled as he saw bits of battered armour scattered on the cracked and cratered ground, the metal almost certainly belonging to his comrades. The ground had been pounded into craters reminiscent of the surface of the moon. Medical equipment, mostly destroyed, littered the room. A loud crash could be heard coming from behind the large examination berth. Optimus walked over to investigate, only to notice a flash of orange by the side of his optics. Optimus turned, and gasped as something was thrown at him, hitting him in the face, the missile bouncing off him and landing on the ground.

"Who is it?" Optimus was on edge now. Every so often, a chilling hiss of the 'monster' would echo around the walls of the Medbay, confusing the red-and-blue mech. Prime literally jumped as he saw Bee lying unconscious in a corner of the room, with missing armour and multiple lacerations to his body, all which slowly oozed a faint pink liquid mixed with tints of blue. Prime spotted something shiny and metallic hidden in the seam of Bee's right arm armour, and carefully pulled the foreign body out, surprised that item in question could even fit in the seam, It was a wrench. One of Ratchet's prized wrenches, to be exact. Optimus rushed over to the battered bot, and picked him up, only to drop him as Optimus was hit with a piece of heavy green armour thrown from across the room. Grimacing, Optimus left Bee on the berth to recover. Hearing a loud commotion from his right side, Prime turned around to investigate. It was then he saw it.

The demon purple optics, the metallic flash of Energon-stained denta, and the growl, a growl seemingly uttered only by creatures intent on causing and creating much malice! Prime recoiled, slipped on his battle mask and unsheathed his arm blades, ready to duel with the creature and also protect Bee. The creature lurked in the darkness of an empty supplies room, and warned Prime not to come closer by the means of flashing its brilliant fangs and hissing loudly at him. Prime had none of that, and charged at it, the monster mirroring his movements but with more finesse and lucidity. Ducking under Prime's death grip, the creature attacked Prime's ankle and tore off some wires, the bite hurting as if it was delivered by an oversized Scraplet. Prime brought his blade down on the creature, who hissed in protest at the blow. As it was dark, the creature was almost invisible, except for the two purple orbs which adorned its face. Optimus turned around, only to be met in the face with a heavy clout. The creature then began unrelentingly attacking Prime with its fangs and sharp claws, jumping high as so to inflict as much damage to the large bot's half-covered face. Prime finally managed to grab onto his attacker, and flipped him into the main room of the Medbay, brightly illuminated with lights as to give himself an advantage. Raising his blade to slay the creature, Prime halted himself as he realized the monster was none other than...

"Ratchet?! What are you doing?! And...your...armour..."

The creature, Ratchet protested to being held down, but as he stared into Prime, he eventually calmed down, although still tense and ready to attack. Ratchet then opened his mouth, and began to speak, still being pinned down by Prime.

"When you're a medic, you get fringe benefits. By the way, WHERE IS MY FRAGGING PRIZED WRENCH?! BUMBLEBEE!" Optimus winced at the volume of Ratchet's yelling, the loud shrieks of anger hurting his audials. So that's what it was all about. That wrench. Ratchet's most prized possesion. something he would save over possibly most people and bots. When his team's medic raged, he raged like The Pit on...well...any given planet.

"Bumblebee was knocked out by you. I've got your wrench right here." Prime responded coolly, handing Ratchet the wrench which he had left nearby on the ground. Still slightly dazed, Ratchet quickly took it back, pushed Prime off himself, and stood up, beginning the task of cleaning the Medbay. Bee had woken up, and had shrieked loudly when he saw Ratchet. The others had gingerly arrived, being notified by Prime. Bulkhead needed extensive repairs for his mangled servo and his leg, and had to be put off-duty. Ratchet was still mad as hell, and had begun interrogating the ocean as he repaired them. Bulkhead had hinted to Bee being the thief. Arcee had given Ratchet silence, and Ratchet had taken the initiative of checking out the stain on Prime's leg, much to Arcee's embarrassment and Bulkhead's amusement. As Ratchet examined Bee, he finally got an answer.

"I'm sorry! I'm so sorry! Miko put me up to this!" admitted Bee, all while Ratchet carefully repaired his wounds, his now-blue eyes glaring and boring holes into Bee, making him talk.

"Miko...?" Ratchet hissed angrily. That girl...truly, if Decepticons didn't make his Energon boil, then she could.

"Yes..."

Ratchet grinned as he finished patching up Bee. Another bout of revenge, maybe...Catching the devious look, Bee quickly sped off.

"Bulkhead is off duty. I guess I'll have the chauffeur Miko...again..." Ratchet smiled. Apparently the skunk prank hadn't been enough to get the message through her thick skull. Another prank was in order for the girl...this time, he'd need to think of a truly SHOCKING prank...

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	3. Homework Blues

**Ratchet goes to June's house to help her correct some medical student's work under his critical eye. Chaos follows. Fluff at the end! Random references can be found lurking in the dark corners of this fic, FYI. Also, thanks to Morrigayn Dewyvern, Spirithunter121 and nobleboivin for reading, favouirintg, following and reviewing! I suggest you follow their lead!**

**Ratchet's Revenge III: **Homework Blues

Today had been a good day. In fact, it had been a brilliant day for a certain cranky old medic. No wrenches stolen, no bad-behaved younglings inflicting resource-wasting injuries on themselves while not on duty, as best of all, no Miko. She had come down with a slight cold, the virus, helped to spread a little further after an overzealous Ratchet gave the young girl a 'flu' shot, which was actually a flu-_inducing_-shot, packed with viruses. One could call it poisoning, but Ratchet had stuck to his claim of 'forced sick leave'. That was until Optimus told him that only applied for a real-life job, not school, which by then, Ratchet had changed his 'plea' and fought back at Optimus, claiming 'unlike the fleshie doctors, we don't need to abide by rules!' It was around this time Optimus had put the 'good doctor' on 'community service' for the 'fleshies' for 100 hours, and his privileges such as High Grade and human salary, getting human currency so that he could legally buy Earth items he needed, were to be cut for a whole fortnight. No High Grade meant resorting to Normal Grade, which tasted awfully dull, scavenging random items, which could be fun and dangerous at the same time, or resorting to..._fossil fuels_; the most repugnant and disgusting fuel known to any sane Cybertronian, dead or alive. And the fact that the sticky black sludge was made from decomposed, million-year-old animals was not helping. Ratchet was also banned from the human's living area for a further week. Ratchet growled. One of the only times he was caught for a prank, and he was already being treated like the Lambo twins...or even THE Twins, the two troublemakers that were on the old Chicago NEST team before it was disbanded by Galloway. Maybe he should have paid more attentions to the two brother's insane daily antics. Maybe he should actually comm. them! He could get many brilliant ideas for sneaky pranks from...Ratchet pulled himself out of his insane thoughts before he could go any further. Joining them! Them of all bots! Ratchet really went to far this time. A call from a human cell phone contacting him suddenly pinged up on his HUD, catching his attention. June Darby.

"Hey, Ratchet, heard you needed some help with your sentence. Why don't you come over and help me with some work I'm correcting? The medical students just handed it in and I really need some help from an expert if I want to be able to go to bed tonight. If you could come over, that'd be great."

June had been lecturing a class of university students the day before. She had expected them to write a short piece of her lecture, which was an analysis of the human heart's muscles. It was to be handed in today via email. June was happy to have had reviewed substantial work from most of the students, but had not taken into account of how the hardworking students would interpret a 'short piece'. Most of the work totaled 5000 words each, and had detailed sketches included. June had almost fainted at the amount of work she would need to do, but remembering Ratchet, she had decided to give him a call.

"Of course, June." Ratchet was indeed going to June's house. Anything to knock off a few hours of community work with humans.

* * *

Ratchet skidded to a halt in front of June's lawn, slightly cutting into the curb in his rush. His holoform, Ace, hopped out with all the elegance of an elephant, and ran to the door. June answered it within five frantic knocks from the doctor.

"Hello, June. I'm here for the work." snapped Ratchet hurriedly. June nodded politely, and took his hand, leading him to the desk where she had been correcting the work, most of which had been printed out as hardcopies by her.

"So all I need to do is to correct any errors in them?"

"Yes." replied June. "Remember to use human terminology, Ratchet. I won't be happy if you use words like 'spark' or anything. Neither would the students. If Jack comes in here, just ignore him or tell him where I am if he asks. Got that?"

Ratchet's holoform nodded an promptly picked up a piece of work, belonging to a Spike W. Ratchet couldn't help but giggle at the name.

"Ratchet, please..." June said from behind him. Ratchet sighed. Opening the rather thin booklet, he looked through the work. His eyes instantly widened.

"Who taught this idiot?! This work is totally wrong! The cardiac muscles are NOT..."

June growled. "Just correct the work, Ratchet! I don't need your smartass comments!"

Ratchet shook head, obviously annoyed. Picking up a red pen, he began writing notes on the work.

_Terrible effort- diagram is completely wrong-absolutely terrible description of heart muscles. The fact that cardiac muscles are in a class different from smooth and rough muscles is basic secondary knowledge, and I have no idea how you even got THAT wrong. You are not fit to be a doctor, much less a surgeon, find another profession more tailored to your intelligence-30%_

Ratchet shook his head and threw the work to the side. He never sugar-coated his thoughts, and his words were often harsh and unadulterated. Ratchet groaned. This was going to be a long night. June had already left the room, and Ratchet was all alone. He sighed, and picked up another paper. This time, it belonged to a Megan F. This report was much better than Spike's, and was also much more detailed.

"Hmm...better." Ratchet beamed as he read through the better paper.

_Good work, Megan. I'd like to see more work on the description of the heart muscles, though. I can only give you an_

Ratchet was cut short as June hit his shoulder.

"Ratchet! Don't be so harsh on them! These students are only freshmen! Here..." June rewrote Spike's report grade and gave him a 45%. Ratchet sighed. Fleshies were so damn emotional. A little criticism and they go crazy. He remembered his own youth-hood in Praxus, many millions of human years ago. If he ever screwed up in a medical task hen he was learning from his mentor, the old bot would yell at him until his audials rang like the Pit. Cybertronians never resorted to corporal punishment before the Great War; they were a highly advanced and peaceful race, so peaceful that even Ratchet's mentor had a hard time in the Praxian society, a hardworking and particular docile community full of doctors and mentors of all art known to the mecha planet. In fact, in Ratchet's native language, Praxus had been dubbed 'The State of Intelligence'. Ratchet had inherited many traits from his old mentor, and the most prominent was the personality. Cold, unadulterated and often insensitive. Ratchet looked over another piece by Peter C. Amazingly, his work was of a _prime_ quality. Ratchet smiled at the work, and gave it a full mark, a rarity for him to be so pleased with someone else's effort.

* * *

Two hours later, Ratchet was getting sore all over. His holoform made his backstrut sore, with the added bonus of feeling stiff and sore, and sitting in his alt. form for so long was taking a heavy toll on him. A Cybertronian in their alt. form was like a human being bent into a tight knot, which would hurt eventually even for the most experienced, which was why most mechs and femmes got mad when a human asked why they did not rest in their alt. form. Ratchet didn't usually activate his alt. form because he usually didn't have need to use it; he didn't usually leaving the base he was located even back on Cybertron, and this meant even a single hour could really hurt. Ratchet had to take a stretch.

"June, I'm going out for a walk. I'll be back soon." Ratchet stretched and yawned, slowly rotating his holoform's neck and smoothing out the kinks, which made his actual body feel better as well. Ratchet went out to his truck and looked around. Luckily, no one was around. Ratchet's holoform entered the van and he drove himself to the back of June's yard, hoping for a bit more privacy. Ratchet then slowly transformed, his bipedal mode slowly emerging from the shifting plates and gears, stretching out into a large orange form.

"Uurrgghhh...Damned alt. form! So tired..." Ratchet was tired. His Energon level was low due to concentrating for so long, and the fact that the amount of Normal Grade was low at the base, meaning he had limited fuel rations and was quite tired most of the time. He needed recharge, especially because he was already tired before coming to June's house after having to fix up some of his comrades that got injured. Ratchet slowly let himself fall onto the soft grass in a sitting position, and looked up at the sky, stars twinkling in the navy sheet above him.

"Sometimes I wish I was back in Cybertron..." Ratchet sighed. He allowed himself to slowly recline and eventually let himself lay flat on the lawn. "Before the war." He sighed, and allowed his optics to dim slightly. The cool summer night breeze and the long, flowing grass which seemed to caress Ratchet's warm metal frame started to lull and pull the tired mech into recharge, a guilty prize which seemed so enticing to the worn-out bot right now.

"No...stay...stay...awake..." Ratchet's optics darkened, as the mech rolled over to his side and curled up slightly, his weighty frame starting to form a large impression on the viridian ground, eventually giving in to the temptation of absolute peace. Sighing softly, he soon forgot about his troubles, troubles such as his sentence, annoying fleshies such as Miko and also of the Decepticons, leaving them to deal with tomorrow. Ratchet peacefully drifted off, letting his mind carry him slowly away into the realm of the unconscious.

* * *

June groaned. _Where the hell was Ratchet?!_ It had been four long hours since she had seen his holoform leave for a break, and now he had probably taken off! The nurse sighed, going into the kitchen to make an important cup of coffee. It was her fourth coffee so far, and she had only gone through about half of the work as she had to remark most of Ratchet's corrections. June moved launguidly back to her room, located near the back of the house, and was just about to start work again when she saw something large outside her bedroom window. It was a large shape, almost humanoid, curled within itself slightly lying on her lawn. June smiled. She had located the prodigal medic. Creeping downstairs as not to wake Jack, she put on her coat and stepped outside into the backyard. It was definitely Ratchet lying in front of her. She could see his back armour shining under the moonlight which reflected off the metal, casting halos of light on random patches of grass. The metal was still, apart from the occasional tic of movement to send off a small animal crawling near or on the large body. June shuffled through the grass, hoping to get Ratchet's attention without startling him, as he obviously was unaware of June's presence.

"Ratchet?"

Silence.

June shook her head and moved up to his back, tapping it lightly, earning a small fluffing of armour plates to try and send her off. June grimaced, and walked to the front of him. June was quite shocked at what she saw. Ratchet's optics were dimmed, as if he was dead! June started to sweat. She leaned into Ratchet's chestplates, and was incredibly relieved as she heard the faint whirring of Ratchet's spark. Her relief quickly turned to annoyance as she realized exactly _why_ Ratchet's optics were dimmed as if he was dead though his spark was still shining.

The sneaky old medic was sleeping!

June growled. Her son enough in school. But Ratchet, of all people and bots?! June sighed as she realized she was all alone in correcting the work. She had to somehow find a way to get back at that sneak! Actually...

"Smile, Ratchet!"

June had whipped out her smartphone and taken a picture of Ratchet, completely relaxed and recharging in her lawn. It was truly one of the rare moments where Ratchet was not either smashing Decepticons or yelling at someone, a moment where he was unarmed and relaxed. June smiled. She knew the old medic would do anything to keep his fearsome reputation..._anything_...and this was just the perfect blackmail. June chuckled, walking back to her room. Tonight had turned out better than expected. Less sleep, but definitely better.

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	4. Fast Food

**I'm back with more revenge! 3387 words of it, in fact! Thanks for all the faves and follows. This story has actually become my most popular story, and I want to say a big thank you to all my readers! I didn't even expect all this. Thank you guys so much! Without further ado, I present to you...**

**Ratchet's Revenge IV**: Fast Food

Jack was starved. Where the hell was his damned lunch? And breakfast?! He had woken up to absolutely nothing to eat, and was actually getting really annoyed, which was relatively rare for the usually calm boy.

"Mum, are you sure my lunch just 'disappeared'? I packed it and put it in the fridge yesterday!" Jack growled. His mother had just announced that the fridge was...

"I told you! The fridge is completely empty!" June had woken Jack up to announce the almost unbelievable news. She was tired from dealing with a certain guest last night, who had been shooed off, but not after leaving a huge imprint in her back lawn.

"How is that even possible?!" Jack was very confused. Yesterday the fridge was packed to the BRIM with goods! Jack sighed. He was going to have to go and get food from the canteen today. Everyone had this saying at school- _Want to die? Eat the canteen food_-Jack growled in a burst of anger.

Who the hell took all the food?!

"Hey, Jack. Arcee's waiting for you outside!" June reported. Jack raced out to greet his female Autobot friend, and that was when he got a text from Miko. Quickly responding with a hint of surprise, Jack slipped the device back into his pocket and hopped onto the blue motorcycle in front of him.

* * *

Miko stomped her foot. She was pissed. And nervous. Her extra-large sashimi platter she had intended to give to her host parents as a thank-you gift for taking care of her for half a year was gone! It had been on the table jut then, but a moment later...Poof! It was gone! Why was she going to do now?! She had promised them a huge, awesome surprise' and now she had nothing. Actually, ALL the food in her house had gone missing! There was nothing left. NOTHING. Nothing..._to lose_! Miko smiled. All those years of begging her parents to send her to America as an exchange student had finally come to use. She had the best begging skills, and round, almond 'puppy-dog eyes' which could melt almost everyone's hearts or sparks. But Miko had no use for them today. She whipped out her phone and began clicking in some words, sending the message to Jack in the next moment.

_TO JackCee: Heyy it's Miko do u have some nice food? Some jerkoff stole my prezzie to my Host 'rents :( NEED HELP! Pleeeaaaaasseee?_

The reply came, short but concise.

_TO MNakkie: Coincidence much?! Someone stole our food as well! Srry Miko can't help u 2day. C u school. RC's waiting._

Miko sighed. Jack probably just didn't want her taking his food. Figures. Jack had seen her pleading tactics too much. Miko's begging had failed. She huffed, and threw her book bag over her shoulder, heading off to get Bulkhead in the parking lot and go to school earlier before her host parents woke up. She had been excited to see he friends again after she had contracted quite a cold and had been away for a bit. Hopping into the truck, Miko settled in and promptly began ranting her troubles to the awaiting bot.

"Can you believe it, Bulkhead! All the food in my house has disappeared!" Miko vented to Bulkhead. Deprived of her precious breakfast, she was hungry, cold an angry, and was currently taking every opportunity to rant and yell at anyone she could come across. Bulkhead had been pretty surprised at the young girl getting so fired up so early in the day, but quickly adapted, listening in to Miko's problems and siding with her opinions.

"Who stole your food, Miko? Do you know?"

"No! All the food in the pantry and fridge are gone, and worst of all, the big sashimi platter I was going to give to my host parents is gone! It was just on the table! I had left to do something, then when I came back, it had disappeared!"

"Maybe you should be more careful with the platter? Just saying..." advised Bulkhead, trying to be helpful.

Miko growled, "I only went to answer the phone! Then it just vanished!"

"Well, Miko, did you see anything odd?" asked Bulkhead.

"No...Actually..." Miko paused, remembering something.

"What?"

"I swear I saw Ratchet parked outside...nah. I must've been just...you know...morning fuzzies." Miko had brushed off the sighting of the orange ambulance to be nothing more than her eyes playing tricks on her. She had spotted him her bedroom window as she woke up, and in the next second he had disappeared just as she reached the ground floor of her house. She disregarded the sighting, thinking he was just a hallucination born from her mind. After all, she had been playing Fruit Smash on her phone for a good half of the night until the phone's battery gave out and left Miko in the darkness...of her room to sleep. She slumped onto Bulkhead's soft plush seat, hoping to catch some stray Z's on her way to school, but there was no chance.

"We're here, Miko." Bulkhead told his passenger. Miko slowly got up, cracked her neck and stepped out, walking up the stairs of the school grounds.

"Uurrgghh...I swear..." Miko snarled, stretching her arms, "...whoever did this is going to...Hi, Jack!" Jack, hearing the girl's sharp voice, turned around to face her.

"Hey, Mik...OW!" Miko had punched him in the stomach.

"Come on, don't lie. You DO have food, right? You just don't want me taking it!"

Jack sighed "Miko, I really don't have any! Look!" Jack pulled out his phone and showed Miko a picture of the fridge and pantry, which were totally devoid of any food or the like. Jack had taken the photos as evidence to show to the police, and the photos were instead used to shut his friend Miko up. Miko looked skeptically at the pictures, and huffed. Jack HAD to be tricking her! She looked at the picture info at the bottom of the screen, and gasped at what she saw. The picture was taken jut this morning! Maybe he wasn't lying...but wait.

"Jack, did you change the time stamp of the photo?"

Jack gave Miko an are-you-kidding-me look. "Remember when I did my IT projects with the Bots? I barely knew...well...Jack!"

Miko mulled over the statement a bit, coming to a quick conclusion to back her theory up. "Raf must've helped you! He knows everything tech!"

Jack sighed. It was hopeless with that punkish girl. She was too damn stubborn!

"Wait...Is that the e-mail I sent you yesterday on the computer?!" Miko exclaimed, pointing at the scene captured in the photo where a small silver laptop sat on the edge of the bench next to the open fridge. Miko could easily recognize the photo in the email, the one where she was standing on Bulkhead's roof in his alt. form, posing in a 'rock-goddess' stance. Miko pointed at Jack with deadly malice, and spat four words out, slowly and coldly, the pure spite of the words hitting Jack like sharp icicles.

"You. Win. This. Time." Miko spun on her heels, and walked off with her head held high, causing her to almost trip over someone. Raf.

"Miko! Be careful! You almost got my glasses!"

"Oh, hi, Raf. So where's YOUR lunch?!" Miko snapped, hoping to tick off Jack. The answer was not at all what she expected. Raf moved his glasses and opened his mouth to speak.

"Funny you should ask. Someone took all of our food at home!"

Miko tripped over the stairs and into Vince, who was conveniently standing behind her.

"Hello, gorgeous." cooed Vince, softly stroking Miko's cheek with his rough thumb. Miko snapped her head to the side, and chomped down on the invasive appendage with her teeth, Vince actually falling down the stairs from the recoil of pulling his hand away.

"Serves you right, pervert! Don't think for one moment I don't know who the 'Peeping Tom' of the South Wing girl's changeroom is!" Miko wiped her mouth off. She had drawn a little of Vince's blood, the metallic taste causing her to become...even hungrier. Miko smirked evilly, fantasizing about a Vince-burger for lunch. ANYTHING would be better than that horrifying slop that the school canteen served, even that scumbag's flesh. Miko then realized what she was thinking in a moment of clarity, and gasped at her own thoughts. Maybe she should lay off the _Hannibal Lector_ series for a bit.

"I must be really hungry!" Miko ran off to her lockers before anyone, especially her friends, could ask her what just happened.

* * *

"PRIME!" Fowler barked, getting the attention of the huge Autobot.

"Yes, Fowler?" replied the giant mech, looking at the green HUD of Fowler's head.

"What in Sam Hill happened to the human food stocks of your base?! I've been getting complaints from the soldiers on your base that the store's been robbed! Again!"

Prime cocked his head. "Are the food stocks out? Maybe last time you forgot..."

"NO! I just paid $600 to have them restocked. YESTERDAY! And the day before that!" Fowler was pissed. This kind of money was coming out of HIS bank account! Who was this food thief?! The thief had struck three times already in this last week. And it was only TUESDAY!"

"I've got some more soldiers coming your way for today at 1700 hours, and there's no food again?! GET TO THE BOTTOM OF THIS, PRIME!"

Prime shook his head and respnded, trying to keep his tone of voice professional. "At the risk of sounding apathetic to your soldier's needs, I do believe that holding off the Decepticons is quite a bit more important that the food stock. Am I correct, Fowler? Can you not send the soldiers off to purchase their rations?"

Fowler smacked his head on a table. "I'M NOT TALKING ABOUT THAT! I AM LOSING MONEY HERE, AND BECAUSE IT IS MY DUTY TO PROVIDE FOR THOSE AT YOUR BASE, I CANNOT JUST SEND THE SOLDIERS OFF TO PURCHASE THEIR RATIONS! THE GOVERNMENT ASSHOLES WOULD BE...Oh, Hi, Galloway..."

The connection was cut off. Prime sighed, and continued plotting coordiantes for the Decepticon raid, planning for all outcomes. Suddenly, Ratchet entered the room, holding a cube of crude oil. Since he was still on his High-Grade ban, he had to resort to other options, and since the Normal-Grade, he was only left with scavenging random items for energy, or drinking a horrific sludge known as fossil fuels. A few days age at the relative start of his sentence, and coincedentally whe the Normal-Grade ran out, Miko had given him a pack of lemon sherbet as a show of peace for his past actions; she had forgiven him, and Ratchet had seemed to enjoy the fizzy energy-filled confectionary. However, he had no time to get more. Or so everyone thought. Ratchet glared at Prime, and downed the goop in front of him, hoping the stoic Leader would take pity on him. Ratchet's frame shook, and he spat the black mess back into the cube, splashes of stray fuel falling to the floor.

"Bleurgh!" It was no use. The fuel was just NOT going down, or keeping down. The repulsive, thick scent of the fuel made Ratchet gag, and he growled, putting the now ruined fuel to a side bench.

"Prime, I cannot work under THESE conditions!" stated Ratchet, pointing to the cube of fuel. Prime looked at Ratchet with a cold expression. Ratchet had continuously pleaded for his punishment to be lifted, and it was getting to the usually calm bot.

"For the last time, Ratchet, I am NOT lifting your ban! And remember, you still have thirty..."

"...hours of community work left, I KNOW!" Ratchet smashed his fist into one of the HUD scanners, causing the hologram keyboard to flicker and die out.

"I needed that, Ratchet!" It was time for Prime to say his medic's famous tagline. Right now, his medic, as Jack put it, was really putting the '**_dic_**k' in 'me**_dic_**'. Ratchet walked off, muttering curses that would shock even the most foulmouthed sailor. Bulkhead entered the room, shocked at the foulness spewed from the orange bot's vocoder.

The Medic entered his Medical Examination Room, or the Medbay, as everyone called it, and promtly locked the doors. He put on a door alarm, which would respond to anyone knocking at his door, and turned around. He keyed open a secret door to the outside, and escaped into the Nevada desert in his alt. form, speeding towards Fowler's house. He had just located the house after hacking into secret government files, and now was off to get another scoop. Of vanilla ice cream, hopefully. Indeed HE was the food thief, having struck Jack's house in the middle of the night when all was quiet and June had left him to rest in her backyard, and left for Miko's just before Jack woke up, parking outside her yard to grab the goods and rushing off just as Miko ran to the window to investigate. He then sped off to Raf's house, quickly entering without being seen and running off with armfuls of stock. Luckily Raf's family was so big that no-one actually noticed an additional person running off with their food until it was too late. Returning to the base, he quickly swept mouthfuls of the evidence into his mouth, thus destroying almost all traces of his misdeeds, however, he still needed lots more energy to keep him going; he had fallen into stassis twice duirng his sentence, which did not include the time at June's residence. The foodstore at the base was the next 'victim', being cleared out by the manic medic quicker than even Blurr could say 'Scraplets'. He had only put on the guise of himself choking on the fossil fuel cube to get pity from Prime; he had no intentions to drink it. Ratchet chuckled, and a wave of nanobots flew out of his van form, and solified into his holoform. He had just arrived at Fowler's house, and was now slowly entering it. He let the nanobots on his right hand make and impression of a key, and opened Fowler's house's front door. Stepping inside, he looked around for the fridge. Spotting the appliance standing in the kitchen situated to the right, Ratchet smiled.

"There it is!" mumbled Ratchet to himself. Running up to it, he flung open the door, exposing its contents. Ratchet scooped the goods up, and loaded it into a small cart he had bought along. Heaving the rest of the food into the cart, including the items in the neatly-stacked pantry nearby, Ratchet rushed out, only to meet...

"FOWLER! Why are you here?!" Ratchet dropped the handle of the cart and stepped back. The agent smiled, walking towards the quaking holoform.

"So YOU'RE the food thief!" Fowler smiled to himself, finally finding the culprit who had caused his wallet so much pain. "I thought it was a bit suspicious that Prime sent YOU out to get me." continued the agent, pointing at the orange van.

"Fowler! I...I NEEDED THE FOOD!" yelled Ratchet, his holoform melting into a fine dust. The orange van blazed a trail of grass and dirt as it sped off, leaving behind Fowler in a cloud of dust. Fowler sighed, and comm'ed Prime.

"Found the food thief. Guess who it was?"

"Who"

"You might be surprised, but it was Ratchet."

Prime growled. He should have known. His medic was quite the troublemaker when angry. Or low on energy. He decided to warn Ratchet of his actions if he was caught causing trouble again. Unfortunately, the medic was also rude, stubborn and smart-arsed when angry.

"Ratchet, I will have NO remorse if you cause any more trouble. I will also impose heavier penalties if..."

Ratchet responded angrily, hearing of Prime giving him 'more punishment'. "Punishment, punishment. Always with the fragging punishment. I have to agree with Arcee on this one: Prime's really don't party. Or have fun. Or be..."

"RATCHET!"

"You almost blew out my fucking comlink!" Ratchet resorting to using a human curse, which seemingly had more effect on the Prime.

"Ratchet, I will seriously put you off-duty if this youngling behavior continues."

"Do whatever you want, you old tin can. See if I care. Sometimes working with you does really feel like you're getting fucked up the aft by Megatron."

"RATCHET!"

* * *

Finally, school had ended. Jack's stomach still hurt from eating the school canteen food. He groaned, and went to the curb to wait for Arcee. Raf and Miko had decided to fast, the pair now extremely hungry. Miko waited behind an alleyway while Raf waited at the stairs. Miko had to wait in the alley as Bulkhead was too large a vehicle to use the dropoff; many parents had complained.

Miko sighed. She was so hungry! She hoped Bulkhead would come soon. Actually, she wouldn't even mind Ratchet chauffering her back to the nice and warm base, which also had food. Lots of it. Miko then felt a hand push her firmly back into a wall, the owner of it staring intensely at her. Vince. He had followed her

"Get off me, Vince!" screeched Miko in surprise. The boy pinned her against the wall, intent on revenge for his savaged finger.

"You are going to...whoaaaah!" Vince backed up as he saw two large metallic feet behind him. He screeched as he saw the form of Ratchet. He had been driving past, and had saw Miko in distress.

"MONSTER!" VInce screamed, and began breathing erratically. Ratchet picked up the fretting boy, and began scanning him.

"Hmmm...Whoa!" He stopped at the energy reading. This thing was overflowing with it. Ratchet needed energy. Vince was overflowing with energy. But wait. Base rules: _'No harming humans._'. Yet again, Miko had once said Vince was an animal. Ratchet vented. _To the Pit with rules!_ Miko watched horrified as he scooped Vince into his mouth.

"RATCHET! Spit him out! That's not funny!"

"He was assaulting you!"

"Still, Ratchet! I know you're 'hungry' and all, but STOP IT! I don't need you dealing with my bully! I can handle it."

A shrill cry was heard. "GET ME OUT OF HERE! THIS THING HAS TEETH! And what the hell is...AARRRGGGHHH!" Miko winced at the cry. Seeing a leg poke through the confinement of her friend's mouth, covered in clear slime, Miko stared at Ratchet, horrified.

"Miko, I'm helping you put away your bully for an indefinate amount of time. Why are you so unhappy?!"

"I'll never hurt Miko again, Mister Monster. Please let me g...glurglglurg..."

"Please, Ratchet?!" pleaded Miko. Ratchet rolled his optics annoyedly, and spat Vince out, who waddled aimlessly in a puddle of alien drool, gasping for air.

"MIIIIKO! I'M SO SORRY! I SWEAR ON MY LIFE I'LL NEVER TOUCH YOU AGAIN! I'LL"

"You sexually assaulted Miko?!" growled Ratchet, ready to pick him up and truly eat him.

"NO!" screamed Vince. Miko assured Ratchet, who stopped hovering over Vince hungrily. Vince fainted from the shock, and Bulkhead appeared around the corner in his alt. form.

"Was that...Nah, it couldn't be." Miko turned around to look at Ratchet, but he had already left. "Miko, did you see Ratchet just then?"

Miko shook her head, and shakily responded to Bulkhead. "No. Now YOU'RE hallucinating!" Bulkhead let Miko into his cabin and left quickly, not aware of a goop-covereed Vince lying on the floor. After that escapade, Miko wasn't very hungry anymore. She sighed, and tried to forget about what she saw. That was until Bulkhead asked her something.

"Waas that Vince lying in a puddle of drool?!"

Miko gulped.

* * *

**Rate and review! Also leave an idea if you have some time. I need some ideas! I will credit all ideas, so don't worry about idea theft.**


	5. Revenge Wars

**A bit more angsty than my usual work, but apparently, Primus has blessed me with an angry plot bunny...that gets absolutely sadistic at the end. Thanks for all faves and follows, and leave a review, dear readers! Also, thanks to Bossbot97 and Sky's Breaker for the spare bunnies. I'll be sure to use them in later fics!  
**

**Ratchet's Revenge VI:** Revenge Wars, aka Miko Gets Served By All The Autobots, Mainly Ratchet For Being So Damn Annoying

"'GhettoGirl dot com?!' WHAT DO YOU MEAN MY NAME GETS REDIRECTED TO THIS SLAG?!" A visage of a pissed-off Ratchet popped up from behind the screens to greet the children with a Pit-born snarl. Miko had suggested a game of 'Google Your Name' to pass the time as Optimus waited for an Autobot ship to arrive at a designated location, which meant no going outside for the kids or others unless absolutely necessary. Raf had decided to go first, his name drawing results such as the official website of the Royal Air Force, the site every bit as professional and official as the organization itself. Miko went next, only to giggle as the Google search engine changed the results to the query of _Miku_, as in Hatsune Miku, the Japanese girl getting results relating to _Vocaloid__, _a voice editing program which she had used on numerous occasions in her home country and in Jasper._ 'A fun and useful program to make jammin' vocals!'_, as Miko had described it. Jack had reluctantly searched up his own name, getting many pages from baby name websites and 'true name meanings' websites, which Miko had classified, in her own words, as _'Boring! Why is your name so DULL, Jack?!'_, almost causing Jack to yell something rude at Miko, who felt slightly offended. All had been going relatively well until the Autobots joined in on the game, the crabby medic accidentally pressing the 'I'm Feeling Lucky' button and as a result, stumbled onto a site of scantily-clad African-Americans disgracing themselves with trashy duckface selfies. A loud shout of _'That's my cousin's kid!'_ could be heard as Fowler had decided to swoop in on the monitor at the wrong moment, who then promptly left.

"These human females are presenting themselves as if they were second-rate pleasurebots from KAON! Do they know ANYTHING about the common percentages of abuse and rape in their state?! They are accidents waiting to happen...who will MAKE accidents!" Ratchet didn't particularly like human culture, especially this culture of willful self-destrucation amongst the already comparatively short-lived creatures. Ratchet really couldn't understand the complicated nature of humans. He had already seen the impact of the overpopulation of Earth and the resulting impact, and had once deemed Eatrh as _'The opposite to Cybertron...This planet will be destroyed by too MANY inhabitants! They don't even need to make war!'  
_

"I've just recieved word of the occupants of the arriving spacecraft. Skyfall, Mirage and Hound will be arriving in about half an hour." Optimus suddenly made the announcement, lifting his finger away from his comlink.

"Isn't _Skyfall_ the name of that new _James Bond_ movie?!" Miko asked Ratchet. She was an avid fan of the _James Bond_ series, and had watched the newest movie several times. Wide, chocolate-hazel eyes laced with curiousness bore into Ratchet, her expression demanding an answer. Ratchet sighed. Bulkhead chuckled.

"Miko, Skyfall is one of the Autobots! Use your common sense, you idiot!"

Miko sighed with an are-you-kidding-me look in her face. "Ratchet, I was just asking! No need to be so angry!"

"I'm just making a point here. You never use your common sense! It's like the many times you jumped through the GroundBridge...You could get killed! And you could get US killed!""

"I'm still here, breathing, am I not?! And you guys too! ALL of you!" Miko vented. Big mistake. Arcee, who had been quietly standing near the GroundBridge, staying away from conflict couldn't take it anymore. The blue femme stormed over to Miko and roughly snatched her up, constricting her.

"Do. You. Know. Who. CLIFFJUMPER. Is?!" Although it was not directly Miko's fault, Arcee had been extremely angered at Miko's ignorant and arrogant comment about how ALL the Autobots were still alive. As Arcee squeezed the little girl tighter, Optimus warned Arcee, and she reluctantly let Miko go, throwing her as she fell to the ground. Miko got up, now quite upset, and stormed off. Why was everyone being so mean to her today?! Miko sighed, still very sore from the throw, and walked off to Bumblebee, cheering up slightly as she saw his happy appearance. Had he forgiven her for the event 2 days earlier?. Miko started a conversation with the scout, trying to forget about the kerfuffle beforehand and hoping to restore peace.

"Google your name next! I want to see the results! I bet they'll be hilarious!" said Miko, doing her best to sound happy and hoping to lift the mood of the base inhabitants. A string of angry beeps, chirps and whirrs could be heard, followed by 'The Bird', which Bee had learned from some questionable human culture, mainly late-night action flicks.

"Bumblebee!" yelled Optimus from across the room. He felt like he had done this numerous times, the most significant time from when he...and that Agent Simmons...Yeah. You know what happened.

"I don't really want to say what Bee just said...it might offend..." said Raf nervously.

"Say it, Raf!" spat Miko, Bee also letting out a beep which seemed like an agreement to Miko's sharp statement.

"Okay...Bee says _'I have better things to do and not injure, you damned annoying flesh hunk! First me, now Arcee! Are you really that indifferent?! Go bother Optimus or some...'_ I really can't bring myself to say the rest...I guess he's still angry from the 'thing' 2 days ago..." Raf translated. 2 days earlier, _something_ had happened, causing one of Bee's precious doorwings to snap, and the young scout to follow suit. Bee loved his wings. It seemed these days many people and bots were mad at Miko. Miko yelled back at Bumblebee.

"Well, fine, you piece of scrap metal. Be a grouch like Ratchet! Do you guys hate me or something?! I just wanted to have some fun..." Miko's eyes were slightly moist, tears pricking at their sharp sides threating to spill. Miko stormed off into the far corridor of the base, disappearing off into a side room. The heavy door closed shut with a resounding boom. Optimus vented, then went back to plotting coordinates. Bee bleeped another cluster of chirrups, this time sounding concerned. Bulkhead reassured the young bot.

"Don't worry, Bee. She'll be fine. She's...like that..."

* * *

"What's up with Nakadai causing all this conflict?!" asked Arcee as she watched the young human leave the room.

"Being an annoying little fragger, as always! Using up resources unwisely, wasting time...Tried to cooperate with her today. Now look what's happened." Ratchet continued tracking the ship, now getting closer. Business was now back to usual with Miko gone for the moment. Optimus continued watching over Ratchet and the GroundBridge area, and the others sat around, still slightly stunned from the past happenings. Raf watched the bots work, carefully studying their huge frames moving to and fro to prepare for the immenent arrival. He felt a little bad for Miko, yet was glad that her pestering was momentarily gone. Jack, looking over at Raf, handed the young boy a controller.

"Wanna play a round of Turbo Racer II?" offered Jack. Raf slowly accepted the controller, and shifted himself in front of the TV. Bee took his normal position and moved behind them, looking forward into the screen. Not halfway into the game, the TV went black.

"What's happened?" asked Jack, putting down the controller. Raf got up, and pointed at the green screens the 'bots were working on. Alarm bells were ringing in both the console and everyone's minds.

:IMMINENT POWER FAILURE:

"Slag!" exclaimed Ratchet angrily. He tapped in some codes, and up came more lines of codes. "Someone's planted a virus in our systems while we were downloading the space arrival's info!"

"But how?" asked Raf. "Isn't this network supposed to be a secure line with no outside access?"

"Yes!" snarled Ratchet. "This isn't the work of some outside force! Somebody has physically tampered with our network system! They're exposing our network to...anyone who's online right now! We've got no virus block, all the data is insecure, and the virus inserted is draining our power! Someone HAS to be doing this deliberately!"

"But who?" retorted Jack, following Raf's style of questioning. "Isn't this base supposed to house only us at the moment?"

"Yes, but...Miko!" cried Arcee, having a sudden moment of clarity. "But why would she do this..." Arcee thought for a moment. Having experienced only one thing in her life which could turn someone on their friends like this in such a situation was..."Revenge."

"What? But she isn't the computer genius! Raf..."

Ratchet cut in. "Our network system is protected by a program which is externally connected to a system in a complex piece of hardware. Because of security guidelines, we cannot install into the mainframe foreign programs such as this. Miko has to just pull a wire marked 'Antivirus' and then, our system is completely unprotected. Oh, I'm going to kill her!"

"Oh..." Jack sighed. "I better go check on her..." Jack walked out of the room, Ratchet following.

"I have to follow,in case Miko ruins something else, which she will..."

"Ratchet!"

* * *

_A few minutes ago, in the corridor..._

It wasn't fair! Why was everyone so angry at HER?! Miso stormed into the corridor, and went into a side room. She didn't really care what room it was; she just wanted to get away from it all in her own personal space of depravity.

"I'm such a bother to them all..." Miko closed her eyes and sighed sadly, feeling depressed. It wasn't really her fault that she was so annoying; it was just the way she was. As Miko's eyes adjusted to the dim light, she realised she was in a room willed with machines. Looking over at one particular huge machine in the middle, she could tell it was a computer of some sorts, with many wires and connectors plugged into it. The machine whirred quietly, and emanated a soft wave of heat. Miko slowly walked up to it, and relaxed next to it, letting the heat of the device calm her racing mind.

"Mmmm..." Miko's back was being caressed by the hot air blowing out of the machine. She stood quietly, her mind reminiscing and creating different scenarios of the events just passed. What she could've and shouldn't have done. What she could do to apologize. What she could do for..._revenge_. She felt a little discriminated against after her recent escapades with the bots, and how they all seemed to have a vendetta on her. Miko smiled as she played a few revenge scenarios through her head. After a minute, her feet began to protest at the odd position she had placed herself in; Her legs were crossed and she was leaning on the tip of her toes. The young girl slowly slid down the console, using a thick bundle of computer wires to hang onto and eased herself down. Turning slightly on her side, she could see that the machine she had been leaning on was plastered with labels. Miko squinted, and read the stickers, staring closely so she could see them.

"Internet...Antivirus/firewall...audio...visual... communication. Hmmm..." Miko's mischievous spark slowly returned as she realised what havoc she could wreck, as the thought of revenge began to dominate her mind. If she were to pull a wire out, what could possibly happen?! Miko smirked. Sure, she knew her 'friends' needed this equipment, but revenge was forefront on the young girl's mind, clouding judgement. She was now stuck not between conscience, as she had just rid herself of it, but which wire to pull. She decided to play a little game to help her decide.

"Eeny, Meeny, Miny, Mo...Aha!" Making a quick random decision, Miko pulled a wire with a grunt as she fell backwards, unintentionally pulling another cable. Instantly she could hear a rushed kerfuffle come from the main room. An alarm rang. Scuffling of metal feet could be heard.

"Slag!"

"Someone's planted a virus in our systems while we were downloading the space arrival's info!"

A virus as well?! Sweet! And the best thing...No one would suspect her! Only Raf would be able to know this...right?!

"But who?" Jack. Miko smiled with malicious glee. This was so fun! Another wire? Yes please! Pulling the 'Communications' wire, she was slightly disappointed. Obviously no one was currently using that system. Damn.

"What? But she isn't the computer genius! Raf..."

_She?!_ Oh, scrap. Miko winced. Hopefully they weren't referring to...

"Miko has to just pull a wire marked 'Antivirus' and then, our system is completely unprotected. Oh, I'm going to kill her!"

Miko gasped, slightly shaking in fear.

She was in for it now...

* * *

Slowing down near the main server room, Jack slipped in. He could see a slender figure crawling around the wiring, eventually sitting down behind a large object. The wiring belonged to the many machines stacked on top of each other, the contraptions being the things which made sure this base worked as normal. Some of the machinery had been detached.

"Ratchet..."

"Yes?" hissed Ratchet quietly, peering into the room, the glow of his bright optic illuminating the front of the room.

"It's Miko alright. Move back out. I should talk to her alone." said Jack to Ratchet. The orange medic moved back, the room once again falling into darkness, slight dots of light from the machines lighting the far end. The room was cold as to keep the machinery cool. Jack slowly walked through the room, searching for the elusive shadow of Miko, his canvas shoes making quiet squeaks on the smooth varnished floor. Jack soon spotted a figure sitting behind the machine, shaking. As Jack slowly put her hand on Miko's shoulder, the girl screamed and jumped, Jack shushing her.

"It's me, Jack."

Miko snarled. "You scared me! If Ratchet..."

"Just me, Miko." lied Jack. "By the way, you should apologize to the team for what you've done. They're really angry at you."

"I can tell...Ratchet's going to kill me! Didn't you hear?" said Miko coldly. Jack was a bit concerned. Usually, Miko was never this timid. Ratchet must've really scared her with that statement. Jack had to get her back to him. This sulking would not do...

"Miko...come on. I'm sure Ratchet and the others will understand."

"No! I've screwed things up! I could've put the base in danger! Just listen to what Arcee said! The Autobots have already lost one..." Miko couldn't and wouldn't dare think of what would happen if one of the Autobots were to die as a result of her doing. The burden of such an action would be unbearable; the mere thought already terrifying.

"Well, as YOU said, nothing has happened, right, Miko?" Jack smiled a small smile, hoping to cheer Miko up. Looking up at Jack, Miko smiled as well.

"I guess...thanks, Jack." Miko said softly, cheering up.

"Come on, Miko. Let's get back into the main room of the base." Jack slowly coaxed Miko up, the young girl getting to her feet quickly.

"I can get up by myself, you know..." Jack smiled. She was back. "And just one more thing..." Miko went over confidently to the disconnected wires, and picked them up. Studying them, she was suddenly afraid again. The main consoles may have had labels to differenciate the connection, but the wires were a completely different story.

They all looked the same!

"Jack..."

"Yeah, Miko..."

"...Where do these go?"

Scrap.

* * *

Back in the main room, the Autobots were still fuming, mainly Ratchet. Bee felt a little more remorseful, feeling terrible for what he had said to Miko.

"We've got to apologise!" beeped Bee in his beep speech.

"Or revenge. You do realise how much pain she is causing us, right?" Ratchet was mad as the Pit. He had murder in his expressions, and was truly ready to hurt Miko. "She needs to be taught a lesson!" He picked up a weapon, and swung it around. Raf's eyes widened. Arcee then piped up. Wanting both revenge against and peace from Miko yet be able to go back to kicking aft quicker, she decided on both things together.

"Maybe both. But not too harsh on the revenge front. I'd prefer if the base to get back to normal quicker to we can slag some more 'Cons quicker!"

Ratchet wisely put his energon prod away at this moment. Bee bleeped in response to the action. "Really, Ratchet?!"

Suddenly, Jack ran into the room. "Hey Raf! We need your help!"

"Coming!" Raf called Bee over, leapt on his servo, and was swiftly placed on the floor next to Jack, who took off instantly with Raf following suit, Raf knowing what the two needed from him. They quickly disappeared from sight. Once the humans had left the main room, the Autobots went back to their discussion.

"I have and idea. We should get Miko back into here and..."

"Don't hurt her!" yelled Bulkhead, who had been quiet for the whole procedure, only finally talking as Ratchet's nasty optic-gleam go to him. "Scare her, yes, but no hurting her!"

"Bulkhead..."

"No!" It was clear to all the bots that Bulkhead was deadly serious. One wrong move with Miko and someone would be facing certain death.

"Fine...but _what_ shall we do now?!"

"Use her as a shooting target?" said Arcee. Bulkhead shot her a death glare. Quickly, she changed her meaning of the sentence. "I meant using pies..."

"Too light!"

Bee bleeped his solution. Instantly the others recoiled.

"Too..._disgusting_!" yelled Ratchet, revolted.

"Maybe you should just stop this youngling behavior?!" said Optimus calmly, having finally had enough of his team's shenanigans. He was going to hurt them if they kept behaving this way.

"Prime, we need to teach her a lesson..."

"By setting a good example." No one could argue with that. Prime, that was. Ratchet huffed, and went back to the side of the room, muttering. He had a plan, though. While Prime's back was turned, he began secretly chatting to the other bots, spreading his plan around. Bulkhead didn't seem to happy, but accepted as long as his _rule_ was followed.

* * *

"So this..." said Raf, holding a wire, "...goes to this." The wire clicked perfectly. Raf had finally solved the wire mystery, and was done. "We just have to wait a bit before all systems are online now." Miko sighed in relief, and hugged Raf tightly. Jack smiled. Walking to the door, he called the others over.

"Let's go back. The bots will be glad to hear the problems have been fixed."

Miko let Raf down, and grinned. "All thanks to Raf, of course!" Miko walked over to Jack, and went into the corridor with Raf tagging along, slowly making their way back into the main room. Four glowing pairs of optics stared down at the trio, mostly glaring at Miko. Ratchet seemed to have a feral look on him. Prime had already left to get the newcomers. Miko shyly shuffled forward, and began softly talking, still a bit afraid.

"Hi, guys...I'm sorry for all the trouble I've caused..." stuttered Miko regretfully, sounding genuinely sorry and scared.

"No." spat Arcee nastily. "We could've been attacked by Decepticons! I mean..." Suddenly, Arcee was cut off by a loud roar. Jack gasped in shock.

"Ratchet!" yelled Miko as she pointed at the snarling mech. The medic had gone crazy again! Bee took off, running off, bleeping like mad. He was probably still scared from last time's attack when he had stolen the medic's wrench.

"He's saying something about how Ratchet will try and attack every moving thing in sight." translated Raf, not-so calmly.

"We should hide for the moment. Follow us!" gestures Bulkhead and Arcee. The trio ran after Arcee and Bulkhead quickly while Ratchet was not looking, and just barely made the door as Ratchet pursued them, coming to a dead end as the heavy door slammed together. Running into the corridor, the five hid in a storeroom just as they heard a loud clang. Hearing heavy footsteps outside the door, they hid behind and under random things in the storeroom. Bulkhead hid behind a large portable storage cupboard while Arcee slipped into the shadows of an alcove. Jack leapt into an empty Energon cube, which was oddly oblique as if it had been painted over. He carefully flipped the container, and used it as a disguise, crawling over to the other two humans.

"Psst. Get in!" Jack urged. Sneaking out from their own hiding places, Miko and Raf quickly hid under the box with Jack just in the nick of time. The door was blown apart as a mad orange mech stepped in. It was Ratchet, but with special modifications. Miko peeked out from under the cube, and caught an eyeful of them. 2 long fangs stuck out of his mouth, his hands were clawed and so were his feet, which now resembled a velociraptor's, with one large sickle toe. His armour was covered in spikes, and his optics glowed purple. Miko was stunned.

"How did Ratchet...mmph!" Jack put his hand around Miko's mouth, and mimed the action of pulling a zip across his mouth. Raf just hid and stayed silent.

"I know you're in here! Come out now and I won't hurt you *that* much!" taunted the mad bot, clicking his gargantuan claws together, striking up sparks. The predator looked around, and approached an upturned cube.

"Uhh...Jack? I can hear..." Miko was cut off by a loud noise.

*CRUNCH*

A loud crunching was heard as Ratchet's claws made their way through the comparatively weak container. The cube was lifted sky-high, then crushed between the huge metal weapons. The monster roared with an air of victory, and of course, as part of his plan, picked up Miko. Jack and Raf dodged behind a pillar.

"Let me go, Ratchet! I said I was sorry!" cried Miko as she stared into the carnal purple optics of Ratchet. The medic smiled a toothy smile at the writhing teen, and hissed. Miko snarled and pushed on the clawed servo holding her. "There! You got me! What a great prank! Now PUT ME DOWN!"

Ratchet only huffed, the puff emitted from his mouth causing Miko's fringe to fly up. "No way, Miko."

"That's not funny! Come on, Ratchet!" Miko moved wildly, only causing Ratchet to grip her lithe body tighter. Ratchet then slowly cracked open his mouth slightly. Miko's eyes widened interror.

"No! No way! I saw what you did to Vince...Aaaaahhhhhh!" Miko was pushed into the cavernous cavity, which closed with a neat _clink_ behind her. "Help me!" screamed Miko, dodging Ratchet's sharp fangs. "Let me out of here! I swear I won't annoy you again!"

"No!" smirked the medic. Suddenly, Miko kicked the back his oral cavity, resulting in Ratchet to flick his glossa at the girl, dislodging her from her position in a moment of reflex, causing him to accidentally...swallow her. Ratchet let out a quiet "Uh Oh." as a scream was heard from inside his mouth, which seemed to descend. This disastrous moment was quickly made worse as Bulkhead bounded into the room, hearing Miko's cries. One look at Ratchet's strangled expression and he knew exactly what had happened.

"No...You didn't!" The large green bot promptly went up to the orange medic and began shaking him, hoping to shake Miko out, which failed. In addition, Miko slid down another length down into Ratchet's innards, soon realizing where she was going to fall...

"HEEEEEELLLLP! I'm going to be ground up!" screeched the teen, who was forcing herself to stay at the position she was in by forcing her arms and legs into the walls of whatever she was in, in a very spy-esque manner. She gulped, seeing the pulverizing gears and blades under her, ready to take her into the realm of oblivion, Ratchet's blue spark illuminating the blades. Almost slipping, Miko dug her nails deeper into the walls of Ratchet's innards, screaming for help. Thinking of a solution to avert death, she realized something. Gravity...it was pulling her down to doom! How could she get it to stop pulling her...That's it! It was just simple physics!

"Bulk, Get Ratchet to lie down! The gravity will stop me falling any further!"

"Lie down, Ratchet!" Bulkhead shoved the old medic down, and jumped on him, forcing his mouth open. "You REALLY went too far this time with this prank, Ratchet!".

"Stop! You'll...Gaarrgh!" Ratchet stopped as he felt a fist force its way down his fuel intake pipe, in other words, his 'throat'. "Stop it!" yelled Ratchet, using Bumblebee's old technique of talking through his radio using voice clips. As Bulkhead continued his fruitless attempt of trying to get his arm into Ratchet's insides yet avoiding his fangs, he had an idea. Only one bot would have an arm thin and long enough to get the girl.

"Arcee! Help me!" Bulkhead yelled. Arcee bounded over, and knelt down next to Bulkhead. He continued straddling the medic while he pulled his servo back, still forcing Ratchet's mouth open. Arcee carefully inserted her hand successfully, and made her way down to Miko.

"Help!" screamed Miko again. As she tried to crawl up the slippery tube confining her, she saw a slender blue hand. "Arcee? Is that you?"

"Yes. Crawl into my servo!" ordered the femme. Miko willingly obliged, and hopped on. Arcee, once given the all clear by Miko, began hauling her back up. Outside, Bulkhead had gotten off Ratchet, now just holding him down. The others, including Bee who had finally decided to poke his head in to check on them, was finally relieved. However, that relief was short lived as he heard the clomp of two large feet down the hallway.

_Prime was back!_

Quickly raising the alarm, Bee ordered the others out, yelling orders at them, such as "Go distract Optimus!" and "Close this door! He can't find us like this! Not with company!" Bulkhead rushed out, followed by the two humans, who stood guard at the storeroom doors. Bee quickly slammed the door shut, leaving Ratchet and Arcee behind.

* * *

Optimus growled. _How could he fall for a trick like this?_ The whole act of the arriving spaceship had merely been a guise by the Decepticons to catch Optimus and also to get the co-ordinates of the base. Optimus was almost thankful to Miko, the girl having cut the power unintentionally just in time before their enemy could access their location. He had been jumped by some Vehicons as he has arrived at the designated location, and had had to fight off Starscream, the Seeker 'blasting off once again' after his failed attempt at resraining Optimus. The poor Prime sighed as he entered the base. Hopefully, his underlings had finally 'grown up' and had finally stopped their bickering. The first bot he saw was Bumblebee.

"Boss! You're back! Where are the others?"

Optimus responded, knowing questions like this were bound to happen. "Get the whole team into here. I shall tell you all what has happened."

Bee seemed to shiver nervously. "I'm afraid some lot us are...busy at the moment. Why don't you just relax In here for the moment? Here, have some High Grade..." beeped Bee, throwing Optimus onto a large bench. The Prime was taken aback from the young bot's actions. As the yellow Autobot handed him a large cube filled with a pink liquid, Prime got slightly suspicious.

"Drink up." said Bee. After a few moments of awkward staring, Optimus knew. Bee NEVER acted like this unless something was amiss.

"Something's up, am I correct?"

* * *

"Come on! Urgh!" Arcee grunted. Her fist, which held Miko, was stuck! "Frag!"

"Buddy, compared to me, your problem is nothing!" Ratchet used another voice clip to convey his condition. Arcee was stuck as she had to be careful with Miko; if she clenched her fist any tighter, Miko would be crushed. Yet that was the only way to get her out! "There can be only one..." commented Ratchet with a Scottish-sounding accent to the voice. Arcee glared.

"Aargh! Miko, can you get any footing yet?!"

"No!" responded the girl. Arcee groaned. She needed something even thinner than her arm to get Miko out! She had already tried to find a rope, but that failed. She saw a sharp barbed weapon that was thin enough, but Ratchet had protested.

"I got something, Arcee! I got something!" yelled Miko suddenly."

"Hang on tight!" I'm letting go!" Arcee let Miko go, and smoothly eased her servo out of Ratchet's mouth. Almost instantly, Ratchet began making a choking sound.

"Cat got your tongue?" yelled Ratchet. Knowing what he meant, Arcee burst out laughing. She then knew what Miko had caught onto.

"Flick it forward, Ratchet! She's almost out!" ordered Arcee, still spluttering. Ratchet did as told, and Miko came flying out, landing in a heap of liquid and mess. Getting up slowly, she revolted and shook herself off.

"Ratchet, I could've been killed!" Miko was still shaken from the preceding events, and ran over to Arcee, who sighed. Ratchet slowly let Miko out, opening the door an inch carefully. The girl ran off to the showers. The door quickly closed again, almost claiming Ratchet's digits. Trying to pry open the door further, Ratchet noticed it had been somehow jammed, yet he was unaware it had been jarred by a piece of the shattered cube he broke earlier.

"Frag!" exclaimed the medic, still pushing. "Arcee, can you assist me?"

"Sure." The femme walked over. Snaking under Ratchet arm, she pushed against the door, the fragment of cube screeching against the door frame making a terrible noise.

"Ugh...This door is making an awful racket!"

"What did you say, Arcee?" Ratchet yelled back, the loud grinding screech drowning out Arcee's voice. In fact, the noise was so loud it drowned out the yells of Jack and Raf warning them that Optimus was coming.

"Harder, Ratchet!"

"I can't push any harder!" cried Ratcht, leaning further into the door, the pair still unaware of the noise from outside, the noise being the heavy clomp of Prime's feet.

"You're crushing my wings!" yelled Arcee as Ratchet's frame clamped down on them.

"Come on!" snarled Ratchet, pushing even harder. Arcee and Ratchet continued pushing, when all of a sudden, the door gave way. Ratchet fell onto a shocked Arcee as they fell, armour locking into each other, some pieces even falling off.

* * *

_a bit earlier..._

"Prime, stay! You haven't finished your..." Bee chirped desperately, hoping to slow down Optimus.

"Bumblebee, you're not fooling me. Something's up. I can tell." Prime pushed past the young scout, heading to the corridor. Bee tagged along, hoping to get his bosses attention.

"Optimus!"

"Bumblebee! Stop following me!" yelled Prime, pushing the scout back. Bee only let out a chirrup of defeat. As Bee figuratively raised his white flag, Bulkhead ran out to greet Prime...by the means of a huge bearhug. Taken aback, Prime let out an 'Eep!' of surprise.

"Prime! So good to see you!" cooed Bulkhead, almost crushing the poor Prime between his strong Wrecker arms.

"Bulkhead! Stop!" yelled Optimus.

"But Pri..." Bulkhead was cut off by a loud grinding screech coming from the storeroom. He knew it. To join the fretting clique of Bumblebee and Bulkhead, Jack and Raf had just appeared, yelling loudly over the horrific noise.

"Decepticons! They got Miko! Ratchet and Arcee are dealing with it but the 'Con says if you go in there he will kill her!" yelled Raf, making a quick lie up to cover the three. Unfortunately, at the same time Jack had also decided to create a lie. A very different lie.

"The door of the storeroom is stuck! Power's just come back on and..." Jack quieted as Raf also followed suit. Prime looked at them and shook his head.

"I know you're hiding something. You don't have to hide it." Prime informed the four, which soon became five as Miko bounded out from the washrooms.

"Prime! Hello! So where are the newcomers? Are they in the main room? What do they look like? Do they..."

"It was a Decepticon trap." As prime said the five words, a murmur circulated the group, which was only suddenly cut off when a loud scream was heard.

"Harder, Ratchet!"

The whole group froze. Was that Arcee?

"I can't push any harder!"

"Oh My..." Bulkhead began. He had a slight idea of what was going on, and to say the least, it was...rather unsavory...He began to radiate a little heat.

"You're crushing my wings!"

This time, the whole group began to heat up. Miko spoke up.

"I should g..."

"No. I'm going to investigate. Follow me." ordered Prime. He walked over to the storeroom in question, the loud screech still ringing out loudly. Prime pushed the door open easily, and heard a loud crash. Looking down, he saw quite a sight!

Ratchet was lying on top of Arcee, who was missing some of her armour. He was straddling the small femme, and had some of his armour detached as well. Ratchet looked up to a whole crowd of shocked and disgusted faces.

"What are they doing?" Raf asked.

"By The Allspark!" cried Bulkhead. "You don't wanna know, Raf!"

"Prime..." Looking down at the blue Autobot pinned under him he quickly added "This isn't what it looks like! I swear!"

* * *

**Rate and review! My hands hurt from typing so damn much...**


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